As you might know there are 365 days in a year, and that is exactly how long it has been since I was temporarily unable to walk... A lot has happened in a year since then and I didn't expect to have changed in myself that much because of it, but I have. So here is a break down of what has happened over exactly a year today!
1. I can now walk, even though I was unable to walk for a period of approx. 5/6 months, and then again for a shorter period of 3/4 weeks when I had a sudden relapse.
2. I lost someone very close to me as they sadly passed away after months of struggle from a stroke, and then a more serious stroke.
3. I changed my mind at least 32062810 times on what I was going to do in year 13 of sixth form, and then what I wanted to after that. I went from having a gap year and working my butt off for more money, to wanting to go to uni, to wanting to go on a lot of work experience to get some idea of the industry world, and even considered spending a year doing a foundation year because it might help me in getting into uni.
4. I have changed emotionally and mentally. I have had to repeat myself a lot to doctors/nurses/physiotherapists/neurological physiotherapists/psychologists and it ended up helping me come to terms with how serious this was. It might sound stupid but when I was in hospital and they read a list out of serious things it could have been to cause me to stop walking like a brain tumour/M.S./a tumour or lump on my spine/a virus that could be permanent... it hit me that it could have been those but when tests came back all clear I blocked it out of my mind so I never thought of it again. It only hit me when I had my relapse and a physio asked "How would you feel if you were like this forever?" Now I know that there have been a lot of people who use to be able to walk and now can't because of a number of things from war injuries to car crashes, but having that question put forward to you when you've come out of something once, is scary. All I could think about was how it would affect me at school, and uni, and at work and in future life. Since that point I have become more determined in things such as getting my art coursework done and to the best I can do it, to get the grades I need to get into uni, to do whatever I want to the best of my ability (and all the other cheesy things I would say, but I don't want you to vomit from the soppiness).
5. I can drive. Now I have booked my test and it is within the next month and this to me is a huge achievement. To me driving is a step towards being totally independent since I wouldn't have to ask my mum to drive me to x/y/z, instead I could say "Mum I'm going to (insert place)" and go! Simple as that.
That's all I can think of at the moment but hopefully now that I have settled into the final year of sixth form I will be blogging a lot more and also doing some vlogs of things I get up to and even some challenges that I have planned......
Thank you for reading this and I hope you are all enjoying the start of a new school year. If you have any requests for blogs/vlogs, just comment below or tweet me
Speak to you later m'lovelies!!
Monday, 30 September 2013
Tuesday, 3 September 2013
Back to School
Tomorrow is the first day back to school and my last ever first day back since this will be me going into Year 13. It means this next year is a big one in terms of I need to do everything I can so then I can get into the university I want to.. which is still being decided from a current list of 10. For some reason though.. I'm not excited to go back. I know that might make me seem a little nerdy for being excited in the past to go back but I think everyone has felt that at one time or another in their school life.
At the end of the Summer holidays, people are excited to start a new year with the outlook of "a new year, a new start, a new Me", but I think everyone has come to realise, whether it be too late or not, no matter what we do, you can't start again. You might be able to start something from the beginning again but sadly, everything seems to never quite end how we'd like it to. I want to stop biting my nails, I crack after a few days, I want to lose weight, I crack and eat everything in the fridge.
This time though, I'm doing something totally out of my comfort zone... I'm going into something as Me. Not the "new Me" or a "fresh Me". Just Me. No set goal at the end of the year or any aims. Just to do my best and be Me for once around everyone, instead of just a few friends.
The other day on Instagram I saw this image or quote or motto, whatever you want to call it, and I realised that this is why everyone wants to start things over.. because we are afraid. We are afraid that being ourselves will make other people think badly of us or look down at us, or that things will go wrong. So what if they do? Most of the time the mistakes are the best memories and end up being better for us anyway.
This may seem like a lot of rambling but what I'm trying to say, as cheesy as it may be.. don't start again and wish for a new beginning. Carry on and do what you want without trying to please everyone, just do it for you, no one else. You.
Thursday, 22 August 2013
A-Levels, Fitness and Blogging
SO! Results day was a week ago and I'm not going to lie, I wasn't as happy as I wanted to be. I got a C in English Literature and a D in History. To me this is a big disappointment because after coming out of all my exams for them, I was expecting to manage to get a B in both, maybe an A if I was lucky enough to get low grade boundaries. This obviously was not the case.
I have really bad anxiety when it comes to exams and the environment that come with them. I go in confident (but not over confident) and know what I need to know. At this point I feel fine until the examiner shouts "BEGIN"! This is when I panic, go blank, want to run away and hide somewhere where no one can find me for a long time. I don't know why I get like this but I think the pressure suddenly hits me and I realise that this is the real thing.
All I can do now though is embrace my final year at school/sixth form and do the best I can. Luckily with my art, it means I'll be able to get all the UCAS points I should need to get into the uni's I like and want to get interviews at, but still I'm cracking down in Art and History (I'm dropping English Literature purely on an enjoyment level) to get the best I can and go out of year 13 with a bang. This means actually doing work in my free lessons and not getting distracted in actual lessons, so, wish me luck! Anyway, moving on!
Moving totally away from UCAS and exams and school jargon... I have no more physio for 6 months! WOOH! This means no missing school and having to catch up from other people and after school, it means no physio exercises at home just general exercise (which I can do now!) and also means no more "I can't do that because of....". It means I'm basically normal so if I meet anyone new I don't have to say "don't worry, I'm not ridiculously nervous, my legs constantly shake" and have to go into the whole back story of the last 11 months. Wow, 11 months is a long time for this to have been happening!
Now I am back to "normal" though, I'm focusing on other things like doing my practical driving test! That's right I passed my theory after failing for the first time. First time round I got 42/50 on the multiple choice and 38/75 on the hazard perception, for those of you who don't know, you need 43/50 and 44/50 to pass. Clearly I didn't. Second time though I got 47/50 and 50/75 and so passed which is all good :) Now it's just a case of waiting for the big day and wanting a car even more.
Another thing I'm focusing on is losing weight. I know this was in my very first blog posts and was one of my new year resolutions but give me credit, I've finally learnt to walk which is quite good for me. So now my goal is to lose weight and actually go to the gym/pool that I have available to me. This will be something that I will also blog about. And talking about blogging...
I have decided that my blog is going to be a way of me talking about my general life and everything else around me because even though some people don't find my life interesting, I do and want to share this with people who like to read about things like this. This will include food, cats, gym/pool sessions, days out, cats and more cats. Yes I have a small obsession with cats. But it may also include things with hair and makeup because I am a girl and I like that stuff. If you don't like it.. DON'T READ IT! Simples *meerkat noise*.
That's all I really have to report but I am sure I will be back soon enough so enjoy yourselves m'lovelies and I you are well and happy :)
<3
I have really bad anxiety when it comes to exams and the environment that come with them. I go in confident (but not over confident) and know what I need to know. At this point I feel fine until the examiner shouts "BEGIN"! This is when I panic, go blank, want to run away and hide somewhere where no one can find me for a long time. I don't know why I get like this but I think the pressure suddenly hits me and I realise that this is the real thing.
All I can do now though is embrace my final year at school/sixth form and do the best I can. Luckily with my art, it means I'll be able to get all the UCAS points I should need to get into the uni's I like and want to get interviews at, but still I'm cracking down in Art and History (I'm dropping English Literature purely on an enjoyment level) to get the best I can and go out of year 13 with a bang. This means actually doing work in my free lessons and not getting distracted in actual lessons, so, wish me luck! Anyway, moving on!
Moving totally away from UCAS and exams and school jargon... I have no more physio for 6 months! WOOH! This means no missing school and having to catch up from other people and after school, it means no physio exercises at home just general exercise (which I can do now!) and also means no more "I can't do that because of....". It means I'm basically normal so if I meet anyone new I don't have to say "don't worry, I'm not ridiculously nervous, my legs constantly shake" and have to go into the whole back story of the last 11 months. Wow, 11 months is a long time for this to have been happening!
Now I am back to "normal" though, I'm focusing on other things like doing my practical driving test! That's right I passed my theory after failing for the first time. First time round I got 42/50 on the multiple choice and 38/75 on the hazard perception, for those of you who don't know, you need 43/50 and 44/50 to pass. Clearly I didn't. Second time though I got 47/50 and 50/75 and so passed which is all good :) Now it's just a case of waiting for the big day and wanting a car even more.
Another thing I'm focusing on is losing weight. I know this was in my very first blog posts and was one of my new year resolutions but give me credit, I've finally learnt to walk which is quite good for me. So now my goal is to lose weight and actually go to the gym/pool that I have available to me. This will be something that I will also blog about. And talking about blogging...
I have decided that my blog is going to be a way of me talking about my general life and everything else around me because even though some people don't find my life interesting, I do and want to share this with people who like to read about things like this. This will include food, cats, gym/pool sessions, days out, cats and more cats. Yes I have a small obsession with cats. But it may also include things with hair and makeup because I am a girl and I like that stuff. If you don't like it.. DON'T READ IT! Simples *meerkat noise*.
That's all I really have to report but I am sure I will be back soon enough so enjoy yourselves m'lovelies and I you are well and happy :)
<3
Friday, 5 July 2013
Relapse.
Wednesday 19th June, sat in an English lesson and then... BOOM! No ability to walk or lift my legs. The first thing that goes through my mind? GREAT! More hospital appointments, more tests and scans, more intense physio, more missing out on things. Turns out I've had a mini relapse in which I'm effectively back to square 2.. not as bad as the very beginning but close to it.
At this exact moment in time I'm able to walk without crutches and don't need to lean on anyone one or anything for support... but I get extremely tired. For most of the past 2 weeks I've been in bed at about 8:00, asleep no later than 9:30. But anyway, I'll talk you through what has happened the past couple of weeks.
I saw one of the physio therapists the next day (Thursday 20th June) and she helped me adjust my walking for the next week before seeing the main physio I usually see. This really helped me as in my eyes it made me feel more confident about getting out of the wheelchair after only a couple of days and getting onto crutches.
The next Thursday I saw the main physio I normally see and she did the usual "push against me with your leg" and "can you feel this/that/and the other". But then she hit me with the bombshell of "How do you feel being like this", when I didn't understand and she re-worded it to "How would you feel if you were like this forever?". Then when she listed everything I had to try and stop for the time being - work, cello, singing, driving lessons, my house leader role, try and go in to school late - at that point I broke down. I know that in any other 17 year old girls eyes, being told to relax more is quite possibly a dream, but not for me. I have to be doing things that I know are productive and that will get me to a goal or better future point. My Mum said that she hasn't seen me get emotional and cry in front of her or doctors at all through my time of being like this. The idea of being told to practically give up my life instantly broke me and I knew I wouldn't be able to handle sitting there, doing nothing, just "relaxing". I think it would stress me out even more. She also wants me to see a psychologist as she thinks there may be a stress trigger in which has caused this mini relapse so we will have to see how that goes as it stresses me out a little more knowing I have to tell a total stranger everything about myself and anything emotionally related!
A week later we (Me, Mum & Dad) went to see the neurologist who says this is a "blip" and that it shouldn't happen again. Then again he said that last time and now look what's happened, it happened again. All I can do in his eyes though is go through more physio and just keep working at things. There are no more tests that can be done even if they're done at regular intervals and there is nothing else he can advise apart from look after myself.
As much as I can appreciate that there is clearly nothing else that can be done to try and find out what has happened to be and has been happening over the last 9/10 months, it is unbelievable frustrating that I haven't been given a specific diagnosis and that there is a possibility that it could happen again, which is a scary thing when this time next year I want to be able to feel excited about getting ready to go to uni and moving away from home. Not thinking "it could happen again at any point and you're alone".
All I can do now is get on with things like I did before, physio, looking after myself and attempting to limit myself in the amount of things I do.
See you later m'lovelies <3
At this exact moment in time I'm able to walk without crutches and don't need to lean on anyone one or anything for support... but I get extremely tired. For most of the past 2 weeks I've been in bed at about 8:00, asleep no later than 9:30. But anyway, I'll talk you through what has happened the past couple of weeks.
I saw one of the physio therapists the next day (Thursday 20th June) and she helped me adjust my walking for the next week before seeing the main physio I usually see. This really helped me as in my eyes it made me feel more confident about getting out of the wheelchair after only a couple of days and getting onto crutches.
The next Thursday I saw the main physio I normally see and she did the usual "push against me with your leg" and "can you feel this/that/and the other". But then she hit me with the bombshell of "How do you feel being like this", when I didn't understand and she re-worded it to "How would you feel if you were like this forever?". Then when she listed everything I had to try and stop for the time being - work, cello, singing, driving lessons, my house leader role, try and go in to school late - at that point I broke down. I know that in any other 17 year old girls eyes, being told to relax more is quite possibly a dream, but not for me. I have to be doing things that I know are productive and that will get me to a goal or better future point. My Mum said that she hasn't seen me get emotional and cry in front of her or doctors at all through my time of being like this. The idea of being told to practically give up my life instantly broke me and I knew I wouldn't be able to handle sitting there, doing nothing, just "relaxing". I think it would stress me out even more. She also wants me to see a psychologist as she thinks there may be a stress trigger in which has caused this mini relapse so we will have to see how that goes as it stresses me out a little more knowing I have to tell a total stranger everything about myself and anything emotionally related!
A week later we (Me, Mum & Dad) went to see the neurologist who says this is a "blip" and that it shouldn't happen again. Then again he said that last time and now look what's happened, it happened again. All I can do in his eyes though is go through more physio and just keep working at things. There are no more tests that can be done even if they're done at regular intervals and there is nothing else he can advise apart from look after myself.
As much as I can appreciate that there is clearly nothing else that can be done to try and find out what has happened to be and has been happening over the last 9/10 months, it is unbelievable frustrating that I haven't been given a specific diagnosis and that there is a possibility that it could happen again, which is a scary thing when this time next year I want to be able to feel excited about getting ready to go to uni and moving away from home. Not thinking "it could happen again at any point and you're alone".
All I can do now is get on with things like I did before, physio, looking after myself and attempting to limit myself in the amount of things I do.
See you later m'lovelies <3
Monday, 10 June 2013
6 months in to 2013
Hello m'lovelies :)
So we're moving into the 6th month of 2013 and WOW! has it gone fast. I thought I'd do a little bit of a flashback to the start of the year to see what's happened since then, which surprisingly for my life, is a lot!!
Let's start with the new year resolutions shall we?
1. To stop biting my nails - well this has been one of my resolutions that i managed to stick to up until the point of getting stressed out with exams and doctors appointments and things. Plus at one point when my nails seemed to be getting to the point of no return.. they all broke, split or peeled because I forgot to look after them properly. Now that exams have gone and I have less stress in my life, I'm trying again and actually looking after my feeble excuses for nails.
2. To eat healthier - HA! This resolution has not gone well at all... I think like many other people I comfort eat when I'm stressed, upset or angry and in my own little world I didn't think that I'd gain as much weight as I have done in the past six months but sadly this is not the case. I think this is what has kicked me into gear and so I am going to actually start this resolution (never too late to start after all!) by eating healthily and going to the gym, as well as doing my physio exercises - we'll come onto that in a bit.
3. To learn to walk - Now if any of you reading this know me, you will know how stubborn I have been with walking and things like that. Luckily I have been out of "the chair" on and off since January/February time and have not been back in it since the end of March. I'm back doing my regular shifts at work as well as doing extra ones which I did not thing I would be doing anytime soon.
4. To learn to drive - I would say this is the one that has been the best resolution to stick to as I have had 13 hours of driving lessons so far and have loved it since I sat in the driver's seat!! (I even did a three point turn in my last lesson!)
5. To have at least one weekend without doing coursework/homework - This is one I can honestly say that I don't think this is going to happen at all until after Summer, purely because of my having a shaky start to the year because of my legs, meaning I am quite behind in my art coursework. Now I know it isn't good enough to make excuses and things, but when you are unable to control any part of your legs and need to use a sewing machine.. it's pretty hard to keep on top of units of work that seem to be flying by. Luckily I am beginning to catch up on the work I did not complete and will have Summer (even though it isn't ideal) to get on top of everything and get it out of the way before year 13 begins in September.
Now on to general life that I think you might want to know or be interested in.
I recently finished my AS exams and so I am beginning A2 things ready for the start of year 13. This has actually changed my mind about a lot of things, because I know that I want to do something arty at university (that's another thing I've managed to decide in the last couple of months) and so I know that it's the best decision if I drop either English Literature or History for September. Now at the start of the year I wanted to drop English Lit.... now I've turned the total opposite and am considering dropping History.. but I'm committing to anything yet until results day.. which at this moment in time is 66 days and 17 hours away.
Another big change that has happened is that I have responsibility at school! Let me explain... I have become the Deputy House Leader of one of the houses at my school which is a great opportunity to put my stamp on the school along with the other members of the house leadership team. If anyone knows me they know I can get a tad over competitive so this next coming year will be very interesting with this being a slight problem I have. If I win anything it's brilliant but if I lose... you will know about it, even if you don't care.
I think that is everything that has happened in the last 6 months of my 2013 and I promise I will be updating you more for the rest of the year now that exams have gone past and I have more free time.
If you have any requests of blog posts or vlogs then comment below :)
See you later m'lovelies ♥
Monday, 25 March 2013
6 months on..
It's been close to 6 months since I had a virus which caused me to lose the ability to walk properly and now I cannot believe the change I've had to go through to get here. I have had go to doctors appointments nearly twice a month at some points which isn't easy since it means I miss school and get behind. It also means I have to re trace everything that has happened since I last saw the doctors and repeat myself a LOT which can get quite tedious after 6 months. So I thought I'd do a bit of an update blog post to tell you all how I'm doing and .. coping.
I've been able to walk around school a lot easier as you may have seen in my recent vlogs on my YouTube channel. This is a big step for me since 3 months ago I had to ask people to help me carry things or get things for me which made me feel so small and pathetic having to ask for little things all the time.
I'm not getting back to work and am currently doing two 3 hours shifts a week to get use to working since I am a part time waitress at a local pub, so it means a lot of time on my feet and carrying plates which is difficult for me since the problems I had with my back, back in November and December. Getting back to work feels really good as it means I feel independent again compared to what I said before where I had to ask people for the smallest of things.
I have booked my first driving lesson. I have been able to drive since November 22nd but because of my legs I wasn't even able to use a sewing machine so driving a car was a distant dream at that point whilst sat in a wheelchair. Doing this has made me feel like I've taken such a big step since it's going to be hard on me for the first couple of lessons so hopefully it will all fall into place after this.
Finally, school. I'd say I'm "coping" with school. Like I said before I was unable to use a sewing machine for quite some time until recently (3 or 4 weeks ago) and so with me taking a double A-level in Art and Design, it means I've been struggling to keep up on some units. With the nature of the BTEC I do you have about 6 weeks to do a unit so everything is quite tight in terms of deadlines. When I first went into hospital we were coming to the end of the first unit and began the second unit in the first full week I was back at school. Both of these units needed me to use a sewing machine quite a lot so I was held back purely because of my health which is understandable as I'd missed so much out of both units. Now that I'm getting back on track I suddenly feel this huge pressure to do everything all at once like catching up with art or learning to drive and get fit.. and it's scaring me quite a lot. On the other hand I don't want to go through what I've been through in the last 6 months and wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemies (not that there are any!) to go through the hospitals and pain and stress and emotion.
Thank you for reading my update of my legs and hope you enjoyed it or at least found it interesting. If you have any questions then leave a comment below and if you have any requests on blog posts or vlogs then leave a comment below as well or tell me through my twitter.
See you later m'lovelies
<3
I've been able to walk around school a lot easier as you may have seen in my recent vlogs on my YouTube channel. This is a big step for me since 3 months ago I had to ask people to help me carry things or get things for me which made me feel so small and pathetic having to ask for little things all the time.
I'm not getting back to work and am currently doing two 3 hours shifts a week to get use to working since I am a part time waitress at a local pub, so it means a lot of time on my feet and carrying plates which is difficult for me since the problems I had with my back, back in November and December. Getting back to work feels really good as it means I feel independent again compared to what I said before where I had to ask people for the smallest of things.
I have booked my first driving lesson. I have been able to drive since November 22nd but because of my legs I wasn't even able to use a sewing machine so driving a car was a distant dream at that point whilst sat in a wheelchair. Doing this has made me feel like I've taken such a big step since it's going to be hard on me for the first couple of lessons so hopefully it will all fall into place after this.
Finally, school. I'd say I'm "coping" with school. Like I said before I was unable to use a sewing machine for quite some time until recently (3 or 4 weeks ago) and so with me taking a double A-level in Art and Design, it means I've been struggling to keep up on some units. With the nature of the BTEC I do you have about 6 weeks to do a unit so everything is quite tight in terms of deadlines. When I first went into hospital we were coming to the end of the first unit and began the second unit in the first full week I was back at school. Both of these units needed me to use a sewing machine quite a lot so I was held back purely because of my health which is understandable as I'd missed so much out of both units. Now that I'm getting back on track I suddenly feel this huge pressure to do everything all at once like catching up with art or learning to drive and get fit.. and it's scaring me quite a lot. On the other hand I don't want to go through what I've been through in the last 6 months and wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemies (not that there are any!) to go through the hospitals and pain and stress and emotion.
Thank you for reading my update of my legs and hope you enjoyed it or at least found it interesting. If you have any questions then leave a comment below and if you have any requests on blog posts or vlogs then leave a comment below as well or tell me through my twitter.
See you later m'lovelies
<3
Wednesday, 27 February 2013
Legs Update
It has been exactly 21 weeks and 3 days today since I had the virus that has temporarily means I am unable to walk properly, so when else is a better time to write an update blog about my legs.
If you read my post all about what happened, you will know that I have been on crutches to a wheelchair and now to nothing to help me walk properly and get me back to my original self. Just over a month ago when I wrote the blog post on my legs I was still in a wheelchair and unable to manage walking around my school to get to my lessons independently. Now I am able to walk around, lesson to lesson, although getting up stairs is still an issue so I am having to use the lift there up until I can get up them on my own, without someone being behind me just in case I fall backwards! I am even in heels and managing, although it has been proved my balance is a lot worse than it originally was, so I have to be extra careful not to break my ankle or anything drastic like that.
On Friday 22nd I did a practice shift back at my part-time job just for three hours and it went really well, but at the moment my legs are a little shakier than normal. It is like when you do exercise and a couple of days later you're sore all over and think your legs are about to fall off, with me my legs go shakier and weaker than normal and so I have to take it easy. Doing this shift gives me hope that I am going to get back to normal soon and I'm doing another one Sunday 3rd for another 3 hours, so maybe soon i'll be back there like I was before everything kicked off with my health! I'm even looking into driving lessons and trying to get into that, as I have been technically been able to drive since my birthday in November but have only recently tried using a sewing machine, never mind trying to drive a car!
Tomorrow I am planning to do some filiming for a new vlog as it has been nearly 2 months since i did one which isn't good!! So look out and hopefully something will be up tomorrow night or Friday night
If you have any questions about my legs or have any requests on blog posts or even vlogs, leave a comment below or tell me through my twitter!
See you later m'lovelies!
If you read my post all about what happened, you will know that I have been on crutches to a wheelchair and now to nothing to help me walk properly and get me back to my original self. Just over a month ago when I wrote the blog post on my legs I was still in a wheelchair and unable to manage walking around my school to get to my lessons independently. Now I am able to walk around, lesson to lesson, although getting up stairs is still an issue so I am having to use the lift there up until I can get up them on my own, without someone being behind me just in case I fall backwards! I am even in heels and managing, although it has been proved my balance is a lot worse than it originally was, so I have to be extra careful not to break my ankle or anything drastic like that.
On Friday 22nd I did a practice shift back at my part-time job just for three hours and it went really well, but at the moment my legs are a little shakier than normal. It is like when you do exercise and a couple of days later you're sore all over and think your legs are about to fall off, with me my legs go shakier and weaker than normal and so I have to take it easy. Doing this shift gives me hope that I am going to get back to normal soon and I'm doing another one Sunday 3rd for another 3 hours, so maybe soon i'll be back there like I was before everything kicked off with my health! I'm even looking into driving lessons and trying to get into that, as I have been technically been able to drive since my birthday in November but have only recently tried using a sewing machine, never mind trying to drive a car!
Tomorrow I am planning to do some filiming for a new vlog as it has been nearly 2 months since i did one which isn't good!! So look out and hopefully something will be up tomorrow night or Friday night
If you have any questions about my legs or have any requests on blog posts or even vlogs, leave a comment below or tell me through my twitter!
See you later m'lovelies!
Sunday, 3 February 2013
My Little Kitties
If you follow me on instagram or twitter you will have realised I have a slight obession with my two beautiful boys... Patch and Smudge. My family and I adopted them about a year into moving house and it took us plenty of time to find them! They are now 4 years old (5 on August 29th) and are as cute as ever.
Patch is now more social than he use to be and likes to sleep in some really odd positions.. as you can see. He also like to get attention when and where he wants it no matter what you're doing.. for example if you're sleeping he will make his little chirpy noise to get you up or practically head butt you to get attention. His favourite place for his to be scratched his head, try anywhere else he will nudge your hand back to the top of his head.
Smudge is a big mommas boy. He follows my mum around the house if he wants something or just general attention an will do anything to do it. In this image he decided that mum wasn't allowed to do the Christmas cards anymore and so jumped into the box which held all of them. He likes to be scratched in the stomach and has his own "flipping" trick where he rolls over to get peoples attention.. we call it his "cuteness routine".
Doing Vlogs.
Well hello there it has been quite some time hasn't it!
So it has been nearly a month since I've done a vlog for my YouTube channel and for that I am sorry but it has been quite hectic in my life for the past couple of weeks!
I have been contemplating though changing my filming techniques... I currently use a bridge camera but I have a Samsung Galaxy S3 which is meant to be quite good for filming on so in this week coming I am going to try and do some vlogging on that to update you with everything and kind of introduce you into my weekly life and show you how hectic things just are sometimes!
Please leave a comment below with any requests on vlogs or blogs!
See you later m'lovelies
<3
So it has been nearly a month since I've done a vlog for my YouTube channel and for that I am sorry but it has been quite hectic in my life for the past couple of weeks!
I have been contemplating though changing my filming techniques... I currently use a bridge camera but I have a Samsung Galaxy S3 which is meant to be quite good for filming on so in this week coming I am going to try and do some vlogging on that to update you with everything and kind of introduce you into my weekly life and show you how hectic things just are sometimes!
Please leave a comment below with any requests on vlogs or blogs!
See you later m'lovelies
<3
Sunday, 13 January 2013
My Legs.
In my last blog post and my first vlog on YouTube, I said that one of my new year resolutions was to get walking again. Technically though I have to re-teach my brain how to walk. When we are babies we learn to walk and so I have to do all of that now, at the age of 17, because I had a virus which temporarily "shocked" my nerves in my lower back and legs and so I now have a constant shaking and weakness in my legs making it very difficult to walk. Let me take you back to where it all began and everything that has happened so far in this process.
On September 27th 2012, I gained a cold which seemed to be like every other cold everyone else seemed to have caught but with me it made me extremely tired and unable to concentrate, in a way like everyone else again. On September 28th (Friday) I got home from school and fell asleep on my bed until my mum came and woke me up telling me I had to get something to eat before I went to work. After I got back from work I again fell asleep fully dressed and didn't wake up again until 9:00 the next morning. I went out for a couple of hours to the orchestra which I play at, had some lunch and fell asleep yet again. I woke up a few hours later, had some dinner and then went straight to bed and slept for 13 solid hours. September 30th (Sunday) I woke up at 9:00.
Now I don't know about anyone else but when I'm bunged up with cold and can't breathe through my nose, I try and have a hot bath with all the windows closed so then the steam from the bath can help me and try and almost steam the cold I had out of me. So I did this.
After getting out of the bath I started to feel quite dizzy and faint. I sat down and felt a tingling in my left leg. Then my right leg. As that went it came into my hands. Then back into my feet. I tried to stand up but I could feel my legs going from underneath me, as if my legs couldn't support my weight anymore. When I shouted my mum she had to hold me up so then I could walk to my bedroom and sit down somewhere cooler as well as more comfortable.
We called NHS direct and they said to get to Accident & Emergency and if I couldn't get to the car to call for an ambulance. After only just managing to get to the top of the stairs with both my mum and sisters help, we tried to call the ambulance who said, "it isn't life threatening, so you'll have to get her to the hospital yourself". In the past I have had to have an ambulance twice: once for when I had a knee injury, the second for when I had a bad reaction to a booster jab I had at school. Both these times the ambulance service have been great and have told me everything that they're doing whether it be writing down little details or taking blood samples, so when hearing this I was a little insulted that they immediately knew it wasn't "life threatening" when it could have been.
When I got to A&E we were only there an hour before we were being asked what had happened, symptoms etc. when we got to see the consultant who was in charge at the time of the A&E nurses/doctors. He did lots of tests testing my eyes, balance (which had now totally gone when I only had a little bit to start with!), my head, arms, legs, back, EVERYTHING! He decided I had to be kept in over night for observations and to see if it was short or long term as he couldn't see anything obvious to what it was.
I stayed in over night for the next four nights (September 30th-October 4th), so here is a little run down of everything that went on when I was kept in:
September 30th: I was moved to the A&E ward in which there are 6 beds and you are kept there until a bed is free. At about 10:00pm I was moved to the paediatric ward (the children's ward) as at this time I was still 16 and I had never been in hospital. It meant I got my own room and would be allowed to have visitors all day. When I arrived at paediatrics I was told I would have to have my temperature, pulse and blood pressure taken every four hours no matter what time.
October 1st: The consultant of the ward came round to me and did all the tests the A&E doctor had done and other ones such as testing my reflexes in my knees, hips, ankles, shoulders, elbows and wrists, as well as testing the strength in my arms, legs and torso. He said I had to have a couple of MRI scans. I had the MRI scans on my brain and then on the whole of my back which had to be done in three different lots. We got told we would get the results later that day but we didn't. Throughout the rest of the day and night I was thinking about everything it could have been as the doctor told us of the most and least likely of things it could have been that cause my legs to suddenly go weak and shaky. He said the most likely is that I have an infection or some nerve damage within my brain or spine, and that the least likely is that it something serious such as a tumor within either the brain or along the spine. The main thing that was in my mind was the idea that I could have a tumor that was causing some sort of paralysis in my legs. The fact that there were no clear signs of anything wasn't helpful and so the doctors had to assume it could have been anything on any scale of severity.
October 2nd: We got the results of the MRI scans and they were clear for both my brain and spine (PHEW!) but there was a small bulge on my back which they wanted to test. Again they said it could be just a little bulge of fluid or possibly a tumor. To test for this I had to have another MRI but I had to have a line put into me so then they could put a translucent dye into me. If this dye showed up on the new scans then it would mean there was blood within this bulge and I would to have a harsh treatment of steroids and other medication to make it go away, if the dye didn't show up then it would mean that it is not going to mean anything and is just fluid. For the rest of the day I was left to my own devices and on this day I tried to walk for the first time since being admitted, before then I was only able to get out of bed and then sit in a wheelchair which was by my bed at all times for anyone to push me.
October 3rd: I saw the neurologist again who did all the tests he had done when he first saw me and there was no improvement from what he could see. That day I had the line put into me which didn't go well. I am not a fan of needles ever since I had the bad reaction to the jab I had at school which I mentioned earlier on. I have deep set veins meaning if I have to have a blood test, injection or line it is very hard to find a vein in which to put the needle. The doctor who did this I had seen the day before carrying lots of folders and files and dropping them every other step which immediately put me off as soon as I saw him carrying the kidney dish with all the equipment and looking as happy as Larry! The senior nurse of the ward before this had come and put some special cream which was meant to help numb the area and so on both arms I had this cream on the back to my hands, the inside of my wrists and then the inside of my elbows. It didn't work. At all. He couldn't find a vein in my elbow and I was at this point biting someone so then I didn't scare any children on the ward. He gave in and tried it in the back of my hand. After an hour it was in. Straight after I was meant to have my dinner but had to be rushed to the MRI to get to my slot in the machine in time so I had to have my dinner cold. Anyone who knows me knows I like my food. I get groggy when I don't get it and possibly even groggier if it is cold. Again we got told we would get the results later that day and we didn't. I had to keep the line in just in case something showed up on the MRI and I needed to have any antibiotics or something.
October 4th: The neurologist came and told us that the MRI was clear and that I would be able to go home later that day after I had had a discharge letter written and signed by both my consultant and the head neurologist. This didn't get done until around 4:00pm but I got the line out just after I had my lunch so I was no longer in any pain with my hand. When it came to me leaving one of the nurses came and gave me the letter which had been written so I could read and so then my dad could also see it with me being at an age where I needed some parental consent or support in certain things. When reading it, it said that I had had a virus or infection which had now gone from my system and, wait for it, my symptoms of weakness and shaking within the legs was "just one of those things which should clear up in approximately 12 months". One of those things? Still I got to go home before dinner which was the best meal I had had in the long week that had passed.
By the time I had left the hospital I was able to walk with some sort of support and so I decided to use my crutches which I still had in that back of my wardrobe from the third or fourth time I had a knee injury. I used these on the Friday at school but only managed half a day as it was such a shock to me to see how much energy little things would take now since I couldn't actually walk very fast with my legs still shaking quite severely. Since then I had three physiotherapy sessions which didn't really improve much and so I was told to consider acupuncture.
A week or two passed and at this time I had managed to walk short distances without any support as long as I had something or someone to fall onto as my balance still wasn't great. When I had started considering to have the acupuncture or not though I started with a pain in my lower back which meant I found it painful to bend or twist my lower back and had to keep it straight at all times. I had to then start using a wheelchair at school and only managed a small portion of my day as I found it too painful to little things such as eat. I came home that afternoon and took the Tuesday and Wednesday off of school because the pain in my back was so excruciating. On the Tuesday I went to my GP and she said that it was either the way I was walking and so it was something muscular, or it was the nerves starting to feel the pain from them being shocked from the very start of everything kicking off. I was given a strong prescription of paracetamol and ibuprofen which I had to alternate every two hours.
With me getting this sudden back pain me and my family decided that we should get in contact with neurologist and see what he said and have a check up as we hadn't heard anything from his since I left hospital. When calling his secretary though my "case" hadn't been discussed and wouldn't be discussed until the end of November with some of the larger hospitals in the area. This was because the hospital that is local to me is relatively small with only two or three neurologists and so had to be discussed with some of the bigger hospitals with more options in terms of fixing the problem.
From this information me and my family decided to go privately to a hospital a little further away so then we knew we would be able to get some answers quickly and have all the tests we needed instead of having to wait around a few weeks when everything had either died down or hopefully disappeared.
The doctor I saw and am still seeing at the moment has given me so many more answers than I thought that there are no words that can thank him enough. He did all the normal tests as well as a nerve and muscle test which tested the sensitivity of the nerves and muscles which came back all clear which was positive as it meant there was no damage to the nerves. He also confirmed that this wasn't a permanent thing and that within the maximum of a year I would be fully recovered and running marathons. He said he agreed with the neurologists at the hospital I had been admitted too in that I had had a virus but he then went further and explained that it must have managed to get past my immune system and shocked the nerves in my lower back and legs to cause the weakness and shaking.
I now have to have a neurological physiotherapist who will teach me to teach my brain on how to walk again as when we are babies and want to learn to walk our brain remembers how to do this until the part that remembers how to do so is damaged, hence me having to re-learn. When doing this specialist physiotherapy I have to set myself goals, so for example in 3 months I will be able to walk without any support or a wheelchair and in 6 months I will be fully recovered with minimal signs that there was ever anything wrong in the first place!
I am still using the wheelchair at school as I am unable to walk long distances as I am both slow and unable to have the energy to do so, which is another thing I have to train my body to do, manage my energy effectively. Hopefully within 3-6 months I will be fully recovered as this is what the private neurologist estimates will be my recovery time. So... wish me luck!! <3
On September 27th 2012, I gained a cold which seemed to be like every other cold everyone else seemed to have caught but with me it made me extremely tired and unable to concentrate, in a way like everyone else again. On September 28th (Friday) I got home from school and fell asleep on my bed until my mum came and woke me up telling me I had to get something to eat before I went to work. After I got back from work I again fell asleep fully dressed and didn't wake up again until 9:00 the next morning. I went out for a couple of hours to the orchestra which I play at, had some lunch and fell asleep yet again. I woke up a few hours later, had some dinner and then went straight to bed and slept for 13 solid hours. September 30th (Sunday) I woke up at 9:00.
Now I don't know about anyone else but when I'm bunged up with cold and can't breathe through my nose, I try and have a hot bath with all the windows closed so then the steam from the bath can help me and try and almost steam the cold I had out of me. So I did this.
After getting out of the bath I started to feel quite dizzy and faint. I sat down and felt a tingling in my left leg. Then my right leg. As that went it came into my hands. Then back into my feet. I tried to stand up but I could feel my legs going from underneath me, as if my legs couldn't support my weight anymore. When I shouted my mum she had to hold me up so then I could walk to my bedroom and sit down somewhere cooler as well as more comfortable.
We called NHS direct and they said to get to Accident & Emergency and if I couldn't get to the car to call for an ambulance. After only just managing to get to the top of the stairs with both my mum and sisters help, we tried to call the ambulance who said, "it isn't life threatening, so you'll have to get her to the hospital yourself". In the past I have had to have an ambulance twice: once for when I had a knee injury, the second for when I had a bad reaction to a booster jab I had at school. Both these times the ambulance service have been great and have told me everything that they're doing whether it be writing down little details or taking blood samples, so when hearing this I was a little insulted that they immediately knew it wasn't "life threatening" when it could have been.
When I got to A&E we were only there an hour before we were being asked what had happened, symptoms etc. when we got to see the consultant who was in charge at the time of the A&E nurses/doctors. He did lots of tests testing my eyes, balance (which had now totally gone when I only had a little bit to start with!), my head, arms, legs, back, EVERYTHING! He decided I had to be kept in over night for observations and to see if it was short or long term as he couldn't see anything obvious to what it was.
I stayed in over night for the next four nights (September 30th-October 4th), so here is a little run down of everything that went on when I was kept in:
September 30th: I was moved to the A&E ward in which there are 6 beds and you are kept there until a bed is free. At about 10:00pm I was moved to the paediatric ward (the children's ward) as at this time I was still 16 and I had never been in hospital. It meant I got my own room and would be allowed to have visitors all day. When I arrived at paediatrics I was told I would have to have my temperature, pulse and blood pressure taken every four hours no matter what time.
October 1st: The consultant of the ward came round to me and did all the tests the A&E doctor had done and other ones such as testing my reflexes in my knees, hips, ankles, shoulders, elbows and wrists, as well as testing the strength in my arms, legs and torso. He said I had to have a couple of MRI scans. I had the MRI scans on my brain and then on the whole of my back which had to be done in three different lots. We got told we would get the results later that day but we didn't. Throughout the rest of the day and night I was thinking about everything it could have been as the doctor told us of the most and least likely of things it could have been that cause my legs to suddenly go weak and shaky. He said the most likely is that I have an infection or some nerve damage within my brain or spine, and that the least likely is that it something serious such as a tumor within either the brain or along the spine. The main thing that was in my mind was the idea that I could have a tumor that was causing some sort of paralysis in my legs. The fact that there were no clear signs of anything wasn't helpful and so the doctors had to assume it could have been anything on any scale of severity.
October 2nd: We got the results of the MRI scans and they were clear for both my brain and spine (PHEW!) but there was a small bulge on my back which they wanted to test. Again they said it could be just a little bulge of fluid or possibly a tumor. To test for this I had to have another MRI but I had to have a line put into me so then they could put a translucent dye into me. If this dye showed up on the new scans then it would mean there was blood within this bulge and I would to have a harsh treatment of steroids and other medication to make it go away, if the dye didn't show up then it would mean that it is not going to mean anything and is just fluid. For the rest of the day I was left to my own devices and on this day I tried to walk for the first time since being admitted, before then I was only able to get out of bed and then sit in a wheelchair which was by my bed at all times for anyone to push me.
October 3rd: I saw the neurologist again who did all the tests he had done when he first saw me and there was no improvement from what he could see. That day I had the line put into me which didn't go well. I am not a fan of needles ever since I had the bad reaction to the jab I had at school which I mentioned earlier on. I have deep set veins meaning if I have to have a blood test, injection or line it is very hard to find a vein in which to put the needle. The doctor who did this I had seen the day before carrying lots of folders and files and dropping them every other step which immediately put me off as soon as I saw him carrying the kidney dish with all the equipment and looking as happy as Larry! The senior nurse of the ward before this had come and put some special cream which was meant to help numb the area and so on both arms I had this cream on the back to my hands, the inside of my wrists and then the inside of my elbows. It didn't work. At all. He couldn't find a vein in my elbow and I was at this point biting someone so then I didn't scare any children on the ward. He gave in and tried it in the back of my hand. After an hour it was in. Straight after I was meant to have my dinner but had to be rushed to the MRI to get to my slot in the machine in time so I had to have my dinner cold. Anyone who knows me knows I like my food. I get groggy when I don't get it and possibly even groggier if it is cold. Again we got told we would get the results later that day and we didn't. I had to keep the line in just in case something showed up on the MRI and I needed to have any antibiotics or something.
The line I had put in my hand. It had teddy bears on it as I was on paediatrics and because they're cute.
October 4th: The neurologist came and told us that the MRI was clear and that I would be able to go home later that day after I had had a discharge letter written and signed by both my consultant and the head neurologist. This didn't get done until around 4:00pm but I got the line out just after I had my lunch so I was no longer in any pain with my hand. When it came to me leaving one of the nurses came and gave me the letter which had been written so I could read and so then my dad could also see it with me being at an age where I needed some parental consent or support in certain things. When reading it, it said that I had had a virus or infection which had now gone from my system and, wait for it, my symptoms of weakness and shaking within the legs was "just one of those things which should clear up in approximately 12 months". One of those things? Still I got to go home before dinner which was the best meal I had had in the long week that had passed.
By the time I had left the hospital I was able to walk with some sort of support and so I decided to use my crutches which I still had in that back of my wardrobe from the third or fourth time I had a knee injury. I used these on the Friday at school but only managed half a day as it was such a shock to me to see how much energy little things would take now since I couldn't actually walk very fast with my legs still shaking quite severely. Since then I had three physiotherapy sessions which didn't really improve much and so I was told to consider acupuncture.
A week or two passed and at this time I had managed to walk short distances without any support as long as I had something or someone to fall onto as my balance still wasn't great. When I had started considering to have the acupuncture or not though I started with a pain in my lower back which meant I found it painful to bend or twist my lower back and had to keep it straight at all times. I had to then start using a wheelchair at school and only managed a small portion of my day as I found it too painful to little things such as eat. I came home that afternoon and took the Tuesday and Wednesday off of school because the pain in my back was so excruciating. On the Tuesday I went to my GP and she said that it was either the way I was walking and so it was something muscular, or it was the nerves starting to feel the pain from them being shocked from the very start of everything kicking off. I was given a strong prescription of paracetamol and ibuprofen which I had to alternate every two hours.
With me getting this sudden back pain me and my family decided that we should get in contact with neurologist and see what he said and have a check up as we hadn't heard anything from his since I left hospital. When calling his secretary though my "case" hadn't been discussed and wouldn't be discussed until the end of November with some of the larger hospitals in the area. This was because the hospital that is local to me is relatively small with only two or three neurologists and so had to be discussed with some of the bigger hospitals with more options in terms of fixing the problem.
From this information me and my family decided to go privately to a hospital a little further away so then we knew we would be able to get some answers quickly and have all the tests we needed instead of having to wait around a few weeks when everything had either died down or hopefully disappeared.
The doctor I saw and am still seeing at the moment has given me so many more answers than I thought that there are no words that can thank him enough. He did all the normal tests as well as a nerve and muscle test which tested the sensitivity of the nerves and muscles which came back all clear which was positive as it meant there was no damage to the nerves. He also confirmed that this wasn't a permanent thing and that within the maximum of a year I would be fully recovered and running marathons. He said he agreed with the neurologists at the hospital I had been admitted too in that I had had a virus but he then went further and explained that it must have managed to get past my immune system and shocked the nerves in my lower back and legs to cause the weakness and shaking.
I now have to have a neurological physiotherapist who will teach me to teach my brain on how to walk again as when we are babies and want to learn to walk our brain remembers how to do this until the part that remembers how to do so is damaged, hence me having to re-learn. When doing this specialist physiotherapy I have to set myself goals, so for example in 3 months I will be able to walk without any support or a wheelchair and in 6 months I will be fully recovered with minimal signs that there was ever anything wrong in the first place!
I am still using the wheelchair at school as I am unable to walk long distances as I am both slow and unable to have the energy to do so, which is another thing I have to train my body to do, manage my energy effectively. Hopefully within 3-6 months I will be fully recovered as this is what the private neurologist estimates will be my recovery time. So... wish me luck!! <3
Vlogs you want
Hello m'lovelies
I've got a couple of ideas for some new vlogs but I just wondered if you had any requests of things you'd like me to talk about. This week I was planning to do a vlog about me, specifically 17 personal questions, as I'm 17 and thought it'd be a good number to do since it links with me. Comment below with your questions or ask me the questions through my twitter :)
I've got a couple of ideas for some new vlogs but I just wondered if you had any requests of things you'd like me to talk about. This week I was planning to do a vlog about me, specifically 17 personal questions, as I'm 17 and thought it'd be a good number to do since it links with me. Comment below with your questions or ask me the questions through my twitter :)
Monday, 7 January 2013
Vlogging
Hello m'lovelies!!!
I'm goimg to try and start vlogging, if it goes well then I'll keep up with it. I hope you enjoy it and wish me luck!
If you have any requests on what I blog or vlog about just comment below or on anywhere else like twitter or youtube and I'll see whatI can do
♥
Friday, 4 January 2013
2013
Happy New Year!!
New Year Resolutions/2013 Bucket List
This year some of my resolutions could be seen as something on someones bucket list (a list of things people want to do before they die, but mine is for 2013)
1. To stop biting my nails - I am the worlds worst person at biting my nails and so by New Year's Eve of 2013 I would like to look at my hands and see a perfectly polished manicured set of hands that anyone would be happy to have.
2. To eat healthier - I like meat. And sugar. I won't deny that between the choice of a chicken salad or a bacon sandwich with fried tomatoes on it, I would prefer the sandwich but this year (and hopefully in the many more to come) I will be able to eat healthier and cut down on a the junk that I adore so much.
3. To learn to walk - so this might be a not so common resolution that some of you may have but at the moment in time I am unable to walk properly due to a virus I had that affected me more seriously than it did with others who had it. My dad says I look like a puppet with no strings so I would like to get out of this view from other people (I've also been asked if I've had too much to drink at one point as well).
4. To learn to drive - I'm 17. I want to be able to learn to drive but to do that I need to be able to walk which could link to number 3 but still its another thing I would like to do or accomplish within 2013.
5. To at least once have a whole weekend without coursework/homework - this could be quite a hard one as I am doing a 2 year Art & Design BTEC course and so it is all coursework. At the moment I am swamped with things from Art as well as my other subjects, History and English Literature, so if at some point in the year I manage to do this, it is something else to sort of tick off this list.
I think that is everything that I want to do or accomplish in 2013 and 5 things to do seems a nice round number to focus on (as well as not having anything else to do this year). I will keep you all updated m'lovelies and hope you enjoyed my first post. <3
(I thought it was the best way to start my very first blog post).
So it's a new year and supposedly a new me even though I don't feel any different. I thought 2013 would be a good year to start a blog because I have something I'd like to write about, and because it's something new and interesting to do compared to the usual way of talking to myself which is, of course, a diary.
New Year Resolutions/2013 Bucket List
This year some of my resolutions could be seen as something on someones bucket list (a list of things people want to do before they die, but mine is for 2013)
1. To stop biting my nails - I am the worlds worst person at biting my nails and so by New Year's Eve of 2013 I would like to look at my hands and see a perfectly polished manicured set of hands that anyone would be happy to have.
2. To eat healthier - I like meat. And sugar. I won't deny that between the choice of a chicken salad or a bacon sandwich with fried tomatoes on it, I would prefer the sandwich but this year (and hopefully in the many more to come) I will be able to eat healthier and cut down on a the junk that I adore so much.
3. To learn to walk - so this might be a not so common resolution that some of you may have but at the moment in time I am unable to walk properly due to a virus I had that affected me more seriously than it did with others who had it. My dad says I look like a puppet with no strings so I would like to get out of this view from other people (I've also been asked if I've had too much to drink at one point as well).
4. To learn to drive - I'm 17. I want to be able to learn to drive but to do that I need to be able to walk which could link to number 3 but still its another thing I would like to do or accomplish within 2013.
5. To at least once have a whole weekend without coursework/homework - this could be quite a hard one as I am doing a 2 year Art & Design BTEC course and so it is all coursework. At the moment I am swamped with things from Art as well as my other subjects, History and English Literature, so if at some point in the year I manage to do this, it is something else to sort of tick off this list.
I think that is everything that I want to do or accomplish in 2013 and 5 things to do seems a nice round number to focus on (as well as not having anything else to do this year). I will keep you all updated m'lovelies and hope you enjoyed my first post. <3
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