365 days...

As you might know there are 365 days in a year, and that is exactly how long it has been since I was temporarily unable to walk... A lot has happened in a year since then and I didn't expect to have changed in myself that much because of it, but I have. So here is a break down of what has happened over exactly a year today!

1. I can now walk, even though I was unable to walk for a period of approx. 5/6 months, and then again for a shorter period of 3/4 weeks when I had a sudden relapse.

2. I lost someone very close to me as they sadly passed away after months of struggle from a stroke, and then a more serious stroke.

3. I changed my mind at least 32062810 times on what I was going to do in year 13 of sixth form, and then what I wanted to after that. I went from having a gap year and working my butt off for more money, to wanting to go to uni, to wanting to go on a lot of work experience to get some idea of the industry world, and even considered spending a year doing a foundation year because it might help me in getting into uni.

4. I have changed emotionally and mentally. I have had to repeat myself a lot to doctors/nurses/physiotherapists/neurological physiotherapists/psychologists and it ended up helping me come to terms with how serious this was. It might sound stupid but when I was in hospital and they read a list out of serious things it could have been to cause me to stop walking like a brain tumour/M.S./a tumour or lump on my spine/a virus that could be permanent... it hit me that it could have been those but when tests came back all clear I blocked it out of my mind so I never thought of it again. It only hit me when I had my relapse and a physio asked "How would you feel if you were like this forever?" Now I know that there have been a lot of people who use to be able to walk and now can't because of a number of things from war injuries to car crashes, but having that question put forward to you when you've come out of something once, is scary. All I could think about was how it would affect me at school, and uni, and at work and in future life. Since that point I have become more determined in things such as getting my art coursework done and to the best I can do it, to get the grades I need to get into uni, to do whatever I want to the best of my ability (and all the other cheesy things I would say, but I don't want you to vomit from the soppiness).

5. I can drive. Now I have booked my test and it is within the next month and this to me is a huge achievement. To me driving is a step towards being totally independent since I wouldn't have to ask my mum to drive me to x/y/z, instead I could say "Mum I'm going to (insert place)" and go! Simple as that.

That's all I can think of at the moment but hopefully now that I have settled into the final year of sixth form I will be blogging a lot more and also doing some vlogs of things I get up to and even some challenges that I have planned......

Thank you for reading this and I hope you are all enjoying the start of a new school year. If you have any requests for blogs/vlogs, just comment below or tweet me

Speak to you later m'lovelies!!

Back to School

Tomorrow is the first day back to school and my last ever first day back since this will be me going into Year 13. It means this next year is a big one in terms of I need to do everything I can so then I can get into the university I want to.. which is still being decided from a current list of 10. For some reason though.. I'm not excited to go back. I know that might make me seem a little nerdy for being excited in the past to go back but I think everyone has felt that at one time or another in their school life.

At the end of the Summer holidays, people are excited to start a new year with the outlook of "a new year, a new start, a new Me", but I think everyone has come to realise, whether it be too late or not, no matter what we do, you can't start again. You might be able to start something from the beginning again but sadly, everything seems to never quite end how we'd like it to. I want to stop biting my nails, I crack after a few days, I want to lose weight, I crack and eat everything in the fridge.

This time though, I'm doing something totally out of my comfort zone... I'm going into something as Me. Not the "new Me" or a "fresh Me". Just Me. No set goal at the end of the year or any aims. Just to do my best and be Me for once around everyone, instead of just a few friends.

The other day on Instagram I saw this image or quote or motto, whatever you want to call it, and I realised that this is why everyone wants to start things over.. because we are afraid. We are afraid that being ourselves will make other people think badly of us or look down at us, or that things will go wrong. So what if they do? Most of the time the mistakes are the best memories and end up being better for us anyway.

This may seem like a lot of rambling but what I'm trying to say, as cheesy as  it may be.. don't start again and wish for a new beginning. Carry on and do what you want without trying to please everyone, just do it for you, no one else. You.